Interview with Andrea Syrtash

He’s Just Not Your Type author Andrea Syrtash answered a few questions for us about her new book.

Q. What originally inspired you to write He’s Just Not Your Type? Was it your successful marriage to Michael, your NT; lessons learned from your friends and clients; or something else?

A.  Many years ago a friend of mine called me crying and told me she had accidentally fallen in love with a great man whom she did not mean to love. I think the idea for the book was born then. Even through her tears, I could tell she had peace in her heart because she was following it.

I’ve coached women since 2004 and have also seen clients struggle with feelings for men who were not their ‘type’ but guys who they felt connected to. Everything was crystallized for me, of course, when I fell in love with Michael and had the same reaction (i.e ‘I can’t be with someone like him’). After hearing many women say something similar and having the experience myself, I realized that so many of us prevent ourselves from being with men because they don’t add up to the picture we had in our heads.

Q. Your book is specifically targeted toward women–do you think your advice would apply to men as well? have you known men (through friends or research) who also get into dating ruts?

A.  Men absolutely go through dating ruts (in fact, most dating questions I get online come from male readers). Men are just as interested and vulnerable throughout the dating process and can’t always confide in friends about their fears. Some of the lessons of my book, specifically ones that focus on breaking self-defeating dating patterns, could certainly apply to men; however, I had a woman in mind when I wrote He’s Just Not Your Type. I’m really passionate about helping women so it’s certainly female-focused.

I have to admit, also, that some of the research I did doesn’t apply to men! Women are more likely to fall in love gradually if we build an emotional connection with someone (that’s why a lot of women wake up a year into a friendship with a man and suddenly look at him differently). Men are quicker to decide if they are attracted to a woman – or not. A guy may not know instantly (it may take him a few dates); but in general, he’s less likely to accidentally fall in love with a woman he never saw that way. It happens to women all the time!

Q. What were some of the best and worst components of writing your book. Did you find that you struggled at unexpected times, did your research lead to you having any exciting experiences?

A.  I realized a few years ago that as a professional writer, you can’t wait for inspiration to strike – you just have to write often (and pretend you’re prolific when you really aren’t!) I’m extremely social, so it’s counter-intuitive for me to sit and write for hours on end and miss out on connecting with people. In this way I’m a horrible and undisciplined writer.

There were a lot of exciting experiences while I worked on this book. I sold the proposal months before the market crashed in 2008 and while that was obviously a horrible time in this country, it offered a good perspective in support of my book. Namely, looks and money are the most dynamic factors, and therefore the worst criteria to invest in. *I’d like to put in the disclaimer that in my book I never indicate that a woman cannot find true love with a man who is good looking and rich (of course she can), but that connections have to run deeper than that if one wants to find longevity and happiness in a partnership. It can’t simply be that he’s a good match because one can check off those boxes.

After working on this book, it made sense to me that one sells a proposal when writing non-fiction and not a completed manuscript. The world is dynamic – and a lot can change and affect your original premise.

Q. Do you have any literary idols? Do you think there are any writers who inform your own writing?

A.  I’m in love with two best-selling authors, Malcolm Gladwell and Elizabeth Gilbert, and I think they both inform my own writing. Both authors have an amazing ability to connect on an authentic level and be extremely accessible (their writing isn’t overly academic); but they also demonstrate tremendous authority and their insights penetrate deeply. They’re both very wise and when I read their books, I keep a pen handy since there are so many lessons.

I’m not sure I’m always successful, but I also try to find this blend in my writing. If I do my job right, I can make my reader think differently about something she hears about all the time (the dating market is over-saturated with simple and superficial information, tips and advice) but I can also entertain the reader so it’s not heavy self-help and feels a little fresh.

Q. Lastly, you’ll be visiting Chicago in few weeks as part of your book tour. Is there anything you’re particularly looking forward to doing while you’re in the Windy City?

A.  I can’t wait to come to Chicago! My hometown is Toronto and I now live in New York. I’ve always thought that if Toronto and New York would have a baby, it would be Chicago….

I’m in The Windy City for a brief stint before I continue on my tour; but I hope to go on a walking or boat tour to explore the fabulous architecture and walk along the magnificent mile (always hear about it on Oprah!)… but I have a feeling I’ll enjoy the Lincoln Park area best. I’m more of a downtown type than an uptown gal. I also have to sample deep dish Chicago pizza. I’m a pizza snob and wonder if anything can rival the slices I get around NYC. I know Chicago has amazing restaurants, so I hope to eat my heart out.

More than anything, I’m excited to interact with Chicagoans. Mid-westerners remind me of Canadians that I grew up with – friendly and warm.

Thanks, Andrea!