He’s Just Not Your Type

ndrea Syrtash managed to make me enjoy reading her book, even if it wasn’t really saying anything original. The sad truth that many self-help authors must face is that there is a limit to the amount of advice one can dispense about dating: after a certain point, every point becomes a vehicle for telling the reader to have confidence, to not lose faith that there is someone out there worth finding.

But like I said, I didn’t mind the monotony. Being a lover of the self-help genre, I’ve basically heard it all at this point (and not just about dating). Syrtash’s writing was fresh, clear, and—thank the fucking Lord—grammatically correct, so reading this book felt less like an exercise and more like a nice chat with a friend.

Her hypothesis is simple: too many women get stuck in a dating rut that leaves them having essentially the same failure of a relationship with different men over and over and over. She recommends dating outside of your normal type. If you’re sure you want to end up with a clean-cut business man from a top school who lives in a high rise and makes six figures, she pushes you to try dating more bohemian, Wicker Park-type guys.

This works because women (and men, in my experience) place attributes that won’t necessarily lead to happiness on their “must have” lists for potential mates. The truth is that a six figure income won’t necessarily make you happy in the long term. Shocker, right? But she goes on to say that location, age, or spotless dating histories (a.k.a. no divorces or children from previous relationships) are also faulty indicators that someone will make you happy in the long run, and that might seem slightly more controversial to many readers.

Then again, a lot of this advice really isn’t that new–ever heard the old adage “opposites attract”?–but that doesn’t mean it isn’t true or worth saying, especially if you can say it well. Syrtash certainly does, with the notable exception of the oddly structured chapter on soul mates. Through her writing she somehow manages to propose that we’re all descendants of either Greek or Jewish ancestors (Sorry, Majority of the World. Guess you were wrong about your heritage.).

Still, save for the occasional slip up, this is a solid read if you’re feeling sick of finding yourself in the same kinds of unfulfilling relationships time and time again. Syrtash’s advice, motivational voice, and exercises might really be the thing you need to get back on your feet and find an unsuspected Mr. Right.